D'ya ken wat-a mean?

For the transgender in these movies, femininity is a masquerade, but isn't femininity just as much of a masquerade for the women? Think of Jude's three distinct personas, the characters she interchanges throughout the film. Just because she is biologically a woman, she is credited with more authenticity in her femininity. But she's so much harder than Dil at any stage.
Dil literally has her own phallus and absolute control over it, and Jude has had control over both Fergus' physical phallus sexually and then over his manhood/power-as-a-man/fate, even metaphorically. Both "women" here represent female control of the phallus, be it their own or that of another.
Which is scarier? Why?
I don't know just yet, but I'm pondering whether it is the hidden or the overt/dominant. Because, Jude has just as much control over Dil --she could out him and ruin his life, right? So then would Fergus be able to relate to Dil better than if Dil was biologically a woman.
I still don't know.
Just an interesting half-thought that keeps popping up.